Break the Silence to Stop the Violence: Domestic Abuse Awareness with Kacee Green

Break the Silence to Stop the Violence: Domestic Abuse Awareness with Kacee Green

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

I was just riding along in my car listening to the radio and all of a sudden it hit me--the swift, unforgiving, and suffocating grief that literally took my breath away. I paused, my chest clinched, my breath was caught in the back of my throat and tears started to sting my eyes. I miss my mother everyday, every moment I am constantly aware that she is not here, that it’s been eight years and eleven months since I’ve spoken to her.

It is a grief that boils over every once in a while for no reason at all it seems to just envelope me in the reality of an unthinkable loss and to find my way in this new life, the one that I was left to navigate on that terrible day in November 2000---the one where my mother is gone.

My mother, Sheila Calloway, died. She was killed actually, stabbed to death with a carving knife we would later learn at trial. How can I say this so bluntly, so seemingly blasé? Because I live with these facts everyday, they’ve become almost dissociative. A shield, I think, a means of protecting my fragile sensibilities from shattering to pieces from the pain. These indescribable truths have seeped into my soul and become a part of me. Dealing with this unspeakable tragedy has become a part of my life. As much as I wished they would, the facts wouldn’t change, I could not alter time. I had to simply deal with it.

It was really cold the day I found out that I found out about my mother had been killed. It was a Friday morning and I was sitting at my desk writing a corporate profile and listening to music through my headphones when my boss called me into her office. I was new on the job and terrified that I had screwed up already. She assured me that everything was fine with my work, but that my aunt had called and there was a family emergency. I needed to fly home to Nashville right away. She said she didn’t know what had happened but that she told them she’d drive me to the airport.

I couldn’t wait to get out of her office and back to my desk so I could call home and find out what happened. A plane ticket I knew signaled some kind of tragedy, a sudden death maybe, but whose? I was not at all prepared for what was coming. As soon as I reached my desk, I called my father. Relieved that he answered the phone, I pressed him for information. I will never forget exactly what he said. “Kisha your mother was murdered last night.” And in an instant, my whole world came crashing down around me.

What followed was a blur, the details heartbreaking and horrific. She and her boyfriend had an argument. She broke things off. He went and grabbed a knife from the kitchen. She ran for the door, but never made it out.

In the days that followed I went to bed crying and woke up crying, taking solace in the support of my brothers, the only people in the world who knew exactly how I felt. We all managed to somehow get through the funeral and somehow the murder trial. The guilty verdict and subsequent life sentence brought my family some sense of justice and closure. But we all knew that none of our lives would ever be the same.

My mother died November 9, 2000, that year 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. Even though we believe that prior to her murder there was no actual physical abuse there was emotional and mental abuse which is common in many cases of murder-suicides.

Domestic Violence defined:

Physical Violence
• Pushing, shoving, grabbing, slapping, punching, and restraining among other acts
• Physical intimidation (blocking doors, throw¬ing objects)
• Use of weapons
• Stalking (See OVW Stalking Fact Sheet)
Sexual Abuse
• Attacks on sexual parts of the body
• Forced sexual activities
• Pressure to have sex
• Rape (including marital/partner rape)
Emotional/Psychological/Verbal Abuse
• Threats and coercive tactics
• Controlling what the victim can and cannot do
• Undermining a victim’s self-worth and self-esteem
• Humiliation, denigration
• Threatening to harm or kill a pet
• Isolating the victim from family or friends
• Blaming the abuse on the victim
• Interrogating the victim and their children
• Name-calling and yelling
Economic Abuse
• Maintaining control over finances
• Withholding access to money
• Making the victim financially dependent
• Not allowing the victim to work or go to school

(See: http://vaw.umn.edu/documents/inbriefs/domesticviolence/domesticviolence-color.pdf for more information)

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This is a very serious issue that has touched the lives of just about everyone we know. Break the silence and get involved to stop violence against women. Visit: http://www.ncadv.org/

Flashback Friday, Remember This?

BLOGALICIOUS '09

Whew!  What a weekend.  I had an absolute blast at Blogalicious '09 thanks to The Blog Rollers (theblogrollers.com) who hooked me up with the conference pass through their contest.  But that wasn't the only thing I was to win this weekend, including designer shoes =D. 

I got to the conference not really knowing what to expect.  There is so much I don't know about social media, but as usual I soak up knowledge like a sponge.  At this conference there was plenty (shout out to the panelists and presenters for their excellent depth of knowledge).  I learned about how to drive more traffic to my blogs, how to shape the focus of my blogs, and how to protect my private info--muy importante!   

I also met lots of really cool people.  To all those I met this weekend, "Hey girl." I danced and partied hard too.  Did I mention the swag?  Oh pbm (please believe me).  The sponsors put it down!  Suave, Johnson & Johnson, Chevy, Mixed Chick, Pine-Sol, Disney, Sunkissed Mommy, Apple Bottom jeans on and on and on.  I will have some product reviews coming up.  As I mentioned before I also won a few things =D (gift certificates, a copy of Never Make the Same Mistake Twice by Nene Leakes--actually written by Denene Miller--who I also met and who is really cool by the way--designer shoes, t-shirts and of course the conference pass itself, so my cup runeth over.

I am still a little overwhelmed by everything that came at me this weekend (information, suggestions, products), so I will be sorting all that out over the next few days.  Meanwhile, I will be tweeting and posting about the most interesting things that happen to me this week next time on.....thekaceechronicles.

MASTERING THE ART OF CREATIVE NON-FICTION

I'm giving away a free pass to my workshops, Mastering the Art of Creative Non-fiction and Mastering the Art of Creative Non-fiction Online.  This is a six-week course in the most popular form of storytelling today--creative non-fiction. Including memoirs, biographies, personal essays, feature stories, and personal blogging, writers in this field dramatize real life events into entertaining narratives that read more like a novel.


This is a workshop for beginning to intermediate writers concentrating on format, scene structure, creating drama, writing dialogue, and mastering the art of creative true story-telling.

The goal of participants is to complete a 2,500-3,000 word piece which can be included in an anthology published in Summer 2010.

Course Materials: Workbook (included in course fee)  

TO ENTER THE CONTEST FOR THE FREE PASS TO THE WORKSHOP JUST LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW.  (Contest ends Friday, October 19, 2009)

TO SIGN UP:  http://creativewritingworkshop.eventbrite.com/

Buick Lacrosse 2010

Okay people, I don't do too many PBMs (Please Believe Me), but this is one of those times that I must.  What can I say?  I absolutely LOVE THIS CAR!  I was fortunate to get the opportunity to test drive the all new 2010 Buick Lacrosse for an entire week.  And boy letmetellya, this is NOT your grandfather's Buick!!

Let me say this again for emphasis-- THIS IS NOT YOUR GRANDFATHER'S BUICK!

It is sleek and stylish both inside and out; and handles very well on the road. It is also LOADED with features.  Coming standard in the base model CX are: 

OnStar
XM Radio
Audio Premium 7-speaker system
Driver and Passenger side Air Bags
Theft-deterrent System

Some of the optional cool features on the CX and other models are sunroof, leather seats, front seats (heater/cooler), rear parking assist, rearview camera, dual-zone climate control, universal home remote, two auxillary power outlets (for cell phones and such)  plush a 120-volt power outlet.  That's right you can plug up something.  It also includes a USB port.

The optional integrated dual rear seatback DVD screens and companion wireless headphones would make for an entertaining ride indeed.  The Lacrosse is also features the keyless push button start/stop.  The remote keyless entry is "smart" enough to sense you approaching and will automatically turn on the interior lights and unlock the door.

A note about fuel efficiency.  In the interest of full disclosure I will say that I own a Nissan Sentra which gets about 29 mpg in the city with the way that I drive and is in a completely different class than the Lacrosse.  However, the difference with the 18 city mpg of the Lacrosse was barely noticeable.  I was able to get everywhere I needed to go, including my weekend activities on three-quarters of a tank for the entire week that I had the car.  Bottom line--I loved the car, Isaiah loved it and it was hard for both of us when we had to turn it back in last Friday. :-)

The MSRP ranges from $27,000 to $35,000
MPG: 18 city/26 hwy.

Pros:  Comfortable ride, style, better than expected fuel economy, optional features, spacious
Cons:  Difficult to judge distance when parking, center console can be awkward

Check out:  http://www.buick.com/

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